I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
