why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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