I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
