so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
