i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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