Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
