3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
