Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
