I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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