Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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