She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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