ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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