He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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