i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
