That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
