Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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