And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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