it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
