"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize