im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My ass is underappreciated
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
