I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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