this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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