Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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