I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
