Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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