Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
