How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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