i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
