so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
