Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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