i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
