guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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