if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
