I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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