So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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