WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
