The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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