So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
