the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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