The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
