Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
