apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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