Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
