yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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