When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
