dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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