hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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