I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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