Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
