the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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