The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
