I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
