My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
