i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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