Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
