Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
