Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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