Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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