3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
