Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
