You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
