He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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