If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
