Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
