Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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