I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
