Duck Duck Cougar?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
