he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
