Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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