This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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