haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
sex in a hospital.. check
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
